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It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Keep a small can of WD-40 on your desk — away from any open flames — to remind yourself that if you don’t write daily, you will get rusty.
Critics are people who sit on the mountaintop and look down on the battlefield. When the fighting is finished, they take it upon themselves to come down from the mountain and shoot the survivors.
The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.
I do not over-intellectualize the production process. I try to keep it simple: Tell the damned story.
It begins with a character, usually, and once he stands up on his feet and begins to move, all I can do is trot along behind him with a paper and pencil, trying to keep up long enough to put down what he says and does.
I have a structured songwriting process. I start with the music and try to come up with musical ideas, then the melody, then the hook, and the lyrics come last.
I get up in the morning, torture a typewriter until it screams, then stop.
Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.
Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade, just as painting does, or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange the rules to suit yourself.
The reason 99% of all stories written are not bought by editors is very simple. Editors never buy manuscripts that are left on the closet shelf at home.
There are three primal urges in human beings: Food, sex, and rewriting someone else’s play.
Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.
Anecdotes don’t make good stories. Generally, I dig down underneath them so far that the story that finally comes out is not what people thought their anecdotes were about.
My own experience is that once a story has been written, one has to cross out the beginning and the end. It is there that we authors do most of our lying.

























